It’s easier than you might think.
A guy rescheduled a date on me, but he had extenuating circumstances and he communicated clearly.
On Tuesday, our re-scheduled date day, he texted me at 5pm that he would likely not be able to make our 7 o’clock date.
“I’m super busy and need to finish this at work, but I still really want to see you. Could we push it back to 9, so I still have time to take a shower before?”
“Why don’t we just reschedule for another night?” I asked.
“No,” he said. “I really want to see you, and if you’re willing to postpone until 9, I promise I can make it then. Plus you’re going to want me to shower. You deserve a level 10 me, and I’m going to try to give you the best me I can.”
His earnestness charmed me, so despite the fact that I normally wouldn’t give a guy more than a second chance before ever meeting him, I was willing to reschedule the first time and then wait a couple of extra hours to meet him for the second one.
But, in person, just a few hours later, I wasn’t charmed. In fact, I was pretty horrified.
You see, this guy — let’s call him Dean — had no idea how to talk to a woman once one was actually in front of him, and he proceeded to say some crazy shit, like when he tried to name my breasts.
“What would the left one be called, you think? Cindy?”
I put my head in my hand. “Dean, don’t.”
“And what about the right one?”
It was so bad that I felt bad for him, especially because when I ended the date, he…thought things had gone well.
Believe me when I say…they hadn’t.
If you find that you keep striking out whenever you talk to women, you might need to approach talking to them differently. Remember the common denominator is you, so if things keep not working, it’s probably something to do with you.
When talking to women, let’s imagine you’re a new laptop and these ladies are potential customers. Obviously you wouldn’t be talking to a woman if you didn’t find her attractive, but it’s important to take a little time to think of the product you are and how to play to your own strengths.
You do not want to get sucked into saying stupid shit because you’re nervous and/or feel ill-equipped.
Let’s imagine you’re a laptop that’s not a well-known brand, but you’ve got a design that rivals the new Macbook Air and a much longer battery life too. You’re practical, usable, user-friendly. Ladies would benefit from having youin their life.
1. Be yourself.
When advertising your product and talking to ladies, you should be authentically you. That means you’re also going to have to like yourself since no one is going to do well selling a product they think is a piece of shit.
When we sell ourselves, we absolutely put ourselves in the best light. We talk about our good qualities and gloss over our bad ones. That takes some self-awareness, and self-awareness is sexy. Read more here.
Figure out what’s awesome about you, and if your self-esteem is too much in the dumps, spend some time affirming all that’s great about you. Believe me: you’re an amazing laptop.
2. Be honest.
It’s illegal to falsely advertise a product in the US.
For decades, Red Bull’s advertising slogan has been “Red Bull gives you wings.” In 2014, they were sued for implying that their product gives users some sort of physical lift or enhancement from their slogan. Red Bull settled out of court for $13 million.
You’ve got to be honest about exactly what you’re selling. The right customer will purchase you, and if it’s not a good fit, they won’t or they’ll return you.
Figure out what you want. Something serious or casual? Be clear about that, and don’t be afraid to tell that to a woman upfront.
Whatever you do, do not tell a woman what you think she wants to hear.
“I would love a house like that. We could afford that together,” a man I’d been dating less than three months told me.
“We’d need, what, four bedrooms?” he continued. “They have an open house coming up. We should go!”
I didn’t know how to react to this conversation at all. We’d been dating less than three months, and he was talking about purchasing a house with me??
It turned out he was telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, and he couldn’t have been more off the mark.
Dating for you shouldn’t be about snagging women with a lot of artful lies. Yes, you might get her, but are you going to keep her? Definitely not. Eventually your lies will be found out, and she’ll be out the door.
3. Avoid certain topics.
A laptop can be used to watch porn, but do you think a Best Buy employee would ever tell that to a potential customer? God no.
Most women are turned off by overtly sexual conversations early on, so avoid making an error like Dean did and trying to name your date’s breasts.Just don’t mention her breasts at all.
Politics, religion, and other potentially incendiary topics are also good to avoid early on. If they do come up, stay on the surface or change the tide of conversation altogether. You’ll have plenty of time to tackle these issues later on.
4. Share yourself slowly.
Let’s say a potential customer asks to see your laptop. Do you hurl it at her face and hope she gets a sense of the processing speed from that little shenanigan, or do you turn it on and show her how quickly it launches?
People (not just men) tend to over-share when they’re nervous. We mouth-vomit. We TMI all over the place.
You’ve got to share yourself a bit at a time. Think of it like providing someone sips of a drink, not trying to drown them.
5. Listen and share.
Men get way too much advice to just listen. Yes, you should give your date the opportunity to speak and be interested in her, but one-sided relationships do no one any favors.
Your date needs to know about you too, and no one should take center stage. A good salesman will both listen to you and what you need, but also tell you about a product and what it can do for you.
Dating is a number’s game, and it’s a game we cannot win unless we continue to play. Figure out who you are and what you like about yourself, and don’t be afraid to be you. The right women will appreciate you for exactly who you are if you don’t run her off with lying, inappropriate sharing, or oversharing.
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