Ladies want these things from you, gentlemen, and you’ll stand out to a very special one if you do them.
As a single mother who re-entered the dating scene in my early 30s, I encountered my fair share of men who wanted me to like them, and on paper, I should have. They were good-looking and could correctly punctuate a sentence. Some were even doctors, lawyers, or businessmen.
But whether it be through messages or in person, I started to notice patterns of why some guys didn’t hold my interest and why they probably weren’t holding the interest of other available women either.
Here are some things you can employ to make a woman crazy for you instead of all those other guys who may be filling up her inbox.
1. Compliment things outside of her looks. You’re out with a pretty woman, and she looks hot, so you tell her so. Unfortunately for you, people probably tell her that all the time. You’ve just told her the exact same thing some creep yelled at her from a moving vehicle when she went for a jog this morning.
Compliments that focus just on a woman’s appearance aren’t going to carry as much weight as a compliment she hasn’t heard as often. She’s going to be used to having her surface complimented, but to make a woman truly notice you, find a way to compliment something deeper about her.
Think about it: anyone can see that the woman sitting in front of you is beautiful, but can everyone else see that she’s Beyoncé-fierce, or that she’s funny or a great listener?
I personally was much more willing to see again the guy who complimented me for my strong work-ethic than the one who told me at least fifteen times in one night that I looked great.
If you’ve given up having goals or dreams or trying to improve yourself or your life, she’s probably going to give up on you too.
2. Pay attention to the details. Women want to know that we are heard.
If I tell you I won’t eat anywhere that has sneeze guards, I’m going to hope that, for our next date, you don’t take me to Panda China Buffet. If you do, not only will I not eat anything, I won’t be likely to go on another date with you since you obviously didn’t listen to me.
Listening to the little things women say they like and don’t like and capitalizing on those is an easy way to score points with a woman. Say she tells you she really really loves sloths. Well, surprise her with a trip to the zoo, or send her a cute sloth photo just to show her you’ve been thinking of her.
3. Be the chill one. We often match the energy levels of the ones around us, but instead of matching your woman’s stress level, try bringing it down.
“Hey, how’s your day going?” you ask.
“Rough,” she says. “Several people got laid off today and things are tense.”
Instead of saying, “That’s so awful. Do you think you’ll get laid off too?” you could help chill her out. The key is being empathic and genuine. You never want to come off as fake.
You could say something like, “Take a deep breath. You haven’t been laid off, and it might not happen. Want to grab a drink later and talk about it?” This would not only score you some points with her, but also nail a next date.
4. Dress to impress. A guy arranged to meet me for coffee one day. I was wearing slacks and a button-up blouse since I’d just gotten off work, as he knew. Thirty minutes before we were scheduled to meet, he texted me, “I’m wearing my jammies. I think you’ll like them.”
“Haha,” I texted back, thinking he was joking.
He wasn’t joking. He was, in fact, wearing a full set of pajamas and slippers.
He’d left his house wearing that. He’d had the opportunity to change into anything, especially knowing that I was leaving my professional job, but he hadn’t.
I could have understood if he’d been at work, and it was a fun…pajama-themed day or something and we’d planned this outing last minute, etc. etc. But none of those things were true.
If it’s a date, treat it like one. This doesn’t mean you have to really really dress up, but at least try to match how your date is dressing up or, if you don’t know, wear your best. Your date deserves that.
5. Have some passions. If a woman has attracted your interest, it’s likely because, on top of being someone you really really like to look at, she has some qualities that interest you.
She’s currently a secretary, but she dreams of being an artist. Her faith is important to her, so she attends church every Sunday and volunteers regularly. She’s juggling a side hustle because she wants to pay off her student loans faster, or fitness is really important to her, so she’s at the gym at 5am every day.
If you’ve given up having goals or dreams or trying to improve yourself or your life, she’s probably going to give up on you too. Get a side-hustle yourself. Dream of where you want to be in five or ten years. Go back to school. Commit to a fitness regimen. Figure out your passion, and go after it.
6. Be vulnerable. I’m not telling you to start sobbing on your first date as you explain how your mother abandoned your family when you were ten, but you have to acknowledge that this is the 21st century.
For thousands of years, women had to be dependent on men. The men hunted, so their families didn’t starve. Then as societies developed, women had to depend on men to financially provide for them because, without them, they had few ways to make money themselves.
Today, a woman needs to depend on you neither to kill food for her or financially provide for her, so you need to focus on connecting with her on an emotional level.
Share some of those bits of yourself that are soft, whether it be how much you love your daughter or how it was rough when your best friend passed away when you were in college. Those things will matter to her way more than how much is in your bank account.
To a woman, these tips seem like common sense, but, based on my own experience and those of the women I know, they need to be said. Ladies want these things from you, gentlemen, and you’ll stand out to a very special lady if you do them.
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